I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
