i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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