she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
