Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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