I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
