All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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