Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
