I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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