4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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