Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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