I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
