the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My vagina is officially offended.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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