dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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