Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize