New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize