May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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