Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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