exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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