yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
