this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry about my life...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
