the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
