Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
