Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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