ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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