Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
