Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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