we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
