I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
