Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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