You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
