you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
