God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
