Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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