in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize