Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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