That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
