I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
