I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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