i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize