you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
