you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
