Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
