no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
