Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
