i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
