her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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