Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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