i would punch a child for taco bell
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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