why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
