did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
