I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
