I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
