i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
