we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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