You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
