can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
