When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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