How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
