i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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