bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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