So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
