I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you would pick up someone in the library
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
