How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize