he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
