I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
