I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize