My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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