i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
