So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
