Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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