it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
